The Anti-Clonking Device

A fully assembled shock absorber built entirely out of the pantry, coiled breadstick springs and honey-dipped marshmallow bumpers standing in for steel and rubber. Silver-dusted for a machined shine, it earns its name the honest way, by cushioning anything that dares roll past it.

Serves 8 · as served on Bluesky ↗

Anything loose in this house eventually works its way into that clonk, clonk, clonk, and I've spent enough Saturdays under the truck fussing with sway bar links to know the fix is always the same: give the parts something soft to land on. So I built that fix out of cereal treats and breadstick dough instead of rubber bushings. The chassis is a firmed-up rice krispie block, the springs are dough ropes wound tight around a spoon handle and baked till they hold their coil, and the bumpers are marshmallows dipped in honey and dusted silver so they shine like real hardware off the parts counter. A dab of cream cheese stands in for grease, a little royal icing plays bolts, and she goes together snug. Then we test her the honest way, nestling a couple clementines up against her and giving the bowl a shake to see if anything dares clonk.

Ingredients

Fresh

• 2 piece Clementines

Fridge

• ¼ cup Unsalted butter
• 1 tube Refrigerated breadstick dough (11 oz)
• ½ cup Cream cheese (softened)

Pantry

• 6 cup Rice Krispies cereal
• 5 cup Mini marshmallows (divided)
• 6 piece Pretzel rods
• 1 cup Powdered sugar
• 2 tbsp Meringue powder
• 1 tsp Edible silver luster dust
• 8 piece Gummy fruit rings
• 2 tbsp Honey

Directions

1. Melt the butter in a large pot over low heat, stir in half the mini marshmallows until smooth, then remove from heat and fold in the rice krispies cereal until coated. Press it firmly into a loaf pan to form the device's chassis block and chill until firm. ⏱ 20 min
2. Meanwhile, unroll the breadstick dough, roll each strip a bit thinner against the counter, then wind it tightly around a greased wooden spoon handle to coil it. Slide the coils onto a baking sheet and bake at 350°F until golden, then let cool before sliding them off the handle — these are your coil springs. ⏱ 12 min
3. Toast the pretzel rods on the same sheet for the last few minutes of the bake to give them a little color — these are your piston shafts. ⏱ 3 min
4. Whisk the powdered sugar and meringue powder with a few teaspoons of water until it forms a stiff, spreadable icing — this is your bolt-and-fastener paste.
5. Unmold the chilled chassis block, trim it into a neat rectangle, then press a pretzel rod piston straight through the center lengthwise until it pokes out both ends.
6. Slide a baked coil spring onto each end of the rod and anchor it with a dab of the cream cheese so it can't work itself loose.
7. Cap each end of the rod with one of the remaining mini marshmallows, dipped first in honey then rolled in edible silver luster dust — these are your shock bumpers.
8. Press a gummy fruit ring around each joint where spring meets chassis as the o-ring gasket, then dot every seam with the icing bolts and dust the whole device with any leftover luster for a machined-metal shine.
9. To prove she works, line a serving bowl with a kitchen towel, nestle the clementines on either side of the device, and give the bowl a gentle shake — the bumpers should soak up the impact so the fruit rolls silent instead of clonking. Set the whole rig out and let folks pick it apart.

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